Cucumber Sandwiches

I happened to post on Facebook that I was jones-ing for a cucumber sandwich.  My wonderful friend, Laurie (she of the sauerkraut post fame) did not know that you could make a sandwich with cucumbers.  I blame this on her lack of sauerkraut eating...fermented cabbage would have naturally led to cucumber sandwiches.

I promised then and there that I would photograph in exquisite detail the making of said cucumber sandwiches.  We begin...

First, we need 8oz of cream cheese, softened; Miracle Whip or Mayo (I'm not getting in the middle of that debate); lemon pepper seasoning; chunky blue cheese dressing; a large cucumber; dill and chives from your herb garden; and bread, preferably homemade.

Add a glop of Miracle Whip to the cream cheese.  Not a dollop.  And certainly not a blob.  We have to be precise here people and it's a GLOP!

Another glop of blue cheese dressing.

Sprinkle on the lemon pepper seasoning.  (And if you ask me to measure that I'm going to hit you with a  glop of Miracle Whip.)  But if you were my sister and you held incriminating photos of my hair circa 1990 then I would confess and guess that it's probably a 1/2 teaspoon.

Use a kitchen shear and mince your herbs.  But be sure to take all the grass out of your chive bundle.  Grass and cucumbers are not tasty.

I used two-thirds of the handful I brought in from the garden.  (How's that for precise?)  Again, if you hold photos of me in a tube top, there's probably a tablespoon of each in there.  But do what you think tastes good.

Take the stem and blossom end off of your cucumber and feed them to your chickens, or your compost pile, or your toddlers.  I shall not reveal which one of the above happened in our house.

Now slice them up, peel and all.  Unless you bought those horrific waxed imitation cucumbers from the grocery store and then for pete's sake (and your own) peel it!  If you are not a fan of sliced cucumbers (or you're trying to hide them from family members), feel free to grate the cucumbers and mix them into the cream cheese mixture.

Take and ugliest and flattest loaf of bread you've ever made in your life.  (After I baked this, I hid it in the freezer because it hurt my eyes to look at it.  But it works for cucumber sandwiches.)

Slice a few pieces of bread.

Then cut them in half.  (Good grief, did I have to show you how to cut the bread??!!  I think I may be spending too much time with a three year old sous chef...)

Smear the bread with the cream cheese mixture and top it with a cucumber.  Ta Da!!  

Now, try not to eat them all before the rest of the family comes in...

I've made these for bridal showers with a half a cherry tomato on the top, lovely.  Also, the Hubby and kiddos eat them like they're going out of style.  That is when there are some left.

So, Laurie and the one other person who reads this blog, go forth and make cucumber sandwiches!!