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Friday, June 8, 2012

Dealing with Loss

Time to share something that's been on my heart...

It seems that a lot of people I know are dealing with loss.  Loss of a job, relationship, loved one, dream, confidence.  Loss of all kinds is still loss.  And grief is still grief.

I went to dinner with a dear friend who asked me how I was dealing with the loss of my dad because she was going to lose someone close to her and she didn't know how to do it.

How do you deal with loss?

First, admit that "it" is gone.  That may be your father, your job, your fiancee, your dream.  Whatever it is, let it go.  Acknowledge that someone or something you cared deeply about is gone.  And you are forever changed.  

I walked around for a few weeks saying to Hubby, "I can't believe my dad is gone."  But when I finally starting saying "I miss my dad", healing began to take place.  

Second, you will never be "back to normal".  Recognize that, embrace that and find your new normal.  Experiences like this change each person, make sure it changes you for the better.

One of the verses I cling to is Romans 8:28  28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
  (all verses NLT)

God WILL use this for good!  Think of times in your past that you have lost something or someone else, I know you can think of a way that your life was changed for the better because of it.

Third, we cannot grieve forever.  That is not to say that there won't be moments or days when we will have sorrow.  But we cannot remain there.  I have known people who have wrapped themselves in their grief.  They need to feel bad and they need others to feel bad for them.  That is not life!  Do you want to be known as "the poor person who lost ___"?  No you do not.  Life is bigger than loss, life is bigger than grief.  

There are those who live in fear that this will happen again and if they just stay wrapped in this one grief than they can't be hurt again.  2 Timothy 1:7 says
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  
We must cast off the spirit of fear and move forward in power and love and self-discipline.

What does self-discipline have to do with grief?  It is easy to say "Woe is me!" and wrap ourselves in grief.  But it requires self-discipline to say, "God, I KNOW you will use this for good.  Show me the good!" and to look for it, and to trust that it is there.

Finally, there is a future.  Kiddo1's life verse is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
This loss, whatever it may be, is not the end.  It is the beginning.  The beginning of a beautiful story that God is writing just for you.  You are held in the palm of His hand.  He covers you in the cleft of the rock.

It is always darkest just before the dawn.  But the dawn will ALWAYS come.


  1. Most of the time you nail it Annie but this was totally from your heart and you are amazing. Through your loss you teach all of us how to deal with our lives. You are a blessing to all of us. Thanks for all of your wisdom.

  2. Excellent!!!! Life was meant for the living and we need to keep moving forward. For about the first 2 months after my brother passed away, I grieved hard. Then after I got back to work and into my routine, I noticed that I wasn't as full of sorrow. Now the tears only come when I think about something that I would want to share with him because I knew it would make him laugh. They say the first year is the hardest and I believe it. And I know that my faith in Jesus Christ is what helps me get through each day and gives me hope for eternity.


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